


A real leader

by GuysIActuallyGotAnAccount



Category: Lost in Translation (Webcomic)
Genre: Crying, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Late Night Conversations, Let's pretend they grow closer after this, Platonic Cuddling, Sad Ahn Jaewon, Sad Lee Minsoo, Self-Harm, Wish me luck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-12 09:07:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28507935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GuysIActuallyGotAnAccount/pseuds/GuysIActuallyGotAnAccount
Summary: Minsoo feels like a bad leader for making Jaewon cry. Luckily they're roommates.(Based after episode 25)Trigger Warning
Relationships: Ahn Jaewon | Wyld & Lee Minsoo
Comments: 2
Kudos: 23





	A real leader

Minsoos POV:

Dongho, Daehyun, Jaewon and me

Together we make Mayniac.

We're still rookies after all, and we've only been together a few years, but shouldn't that be enough time... Enough time to at least know more than just eachothers names.

The other day the oh so quiet and mysterious Jaewon went up to ME, and told me how much of a burden he felt, and that's why he was distant. He felt sad he didn't know who we were either.

He blamed himself for this, when I should be the one to blame. I'm the leader, I should be going to him. He waited for me to get back home, no, he even attempted to look for me, because I was upset about something dumb.

Dongho even tried to knock some sense into me that night too. He was patient enough to listen, because he wanted to understand, but I just stormed off like a stupid idiot.

A real leader wouldn't do that, a real leader would let his other members know what was going on, so they could help him, and he could help them in return.

A real leader should make sure all the members trust eachother. Trust eachother enough to tell them about their stupid dumb brother. 

But no, it took Jaewon opening up first, for me to open up a fraction about my personal life.

But maybe this was a start.

That was until Jaewon showed up 2 hours late to dance practice, and another scandal exploded on social media and the news, that we put 2 and 2 together and assumed he was late because of yet another scandal.

Every attempt at getting closer was thrown out the window when Jaewon entered the room, as the 3 of us were drenched in sweat, panting and finding a place to rest.

When the door was shut behind him, I forgot all about the rest I should probably be taking, and immediately got up, looking furiously at the man currently caught up in yet another news report this week.

I needed to be the leader, I needed to take charge, before things get any worse.

"JAEWON. Where have you been?!" I said raising my voice at him.

"I was just, um..." He said mumbling shyly, playing the victim, like nothing was wrong.

"Look at me when you're speaking! You know we let you have plenty of time for yourself, to do whatever you f***ing want, but you need to focus on your members aswell!! I mean, do you even care about us anymore!? Do you understand what kind of reputation Mayniac has because of you Jaewon! I don't want to tell you how to live your life, but coming to practice 2 hours later, because you hooked up with a girl iS noT okAY!!" I said fuming.

"Minsoo, that's enough." Dongho said putting a firm hand on my shoulder. "Let's just continue practicing."

Leave it to Dongho to keep the peace around here. For a split second I even thought that he should be the leader instead of me. NO, what ifs won't change anything, I need to act in the now.

"No Dongho, this had gone on long enough, and I'm tired of it!" I say, jerking his hand off me. "Jaewon, you need to take this group more seriously, if we're going to be successful." I say, still with a bit of aggression in my voice.

Jaewon looked at me with sad eyes, and that snapped me out of my angry state. In the quiet state he was in, he spoke as loudly as he could, which was just above a whisper, saying "I'm sorry."

My heart broke, he probably didn't realise how late it was, this man and the man shown on TV are 2 different people all together. I forgot he had a soft side.

"It's late anyway, maybe we should end early." Daehyun suggested.

Heck even the Maknae knew what to do in situations like these, always wanting to keep the peace, and always aLwAYs keeping his calm, sweet composure. He'd make a great leader for sure.

"No, we can keep practicing." Jaewon said quietly, voice wavering. We must have all sensed his Shakey voice, because of how obvious it was, but no one dared mention it.

"Minsoo, what's your call?" Dongho said, 3 pairs of eyes on me, waiting for me to say the right answer. 

"Ah fah, I uh f***, ah um. Let's go home." I say, not in the mood to dance anymore. I should probably stop cussing the rest of the week, so Mayniacs reputation doesn't get more wrecked.

A real leader would say sorry to Jaewon when he had the chance.

Well this leader stormed out of the practice room like a child, and went to the car to sulk.

The drive home could have been the most awkwardest drive we've ever had. Truthfully we weren't even close enough to have a fight this bad, so maybe this was progress? Agh, stop thinking like that Minsoo, this is still bad.

The dinner we had after was even more awkward than the drive. Everyone ate as fast as they could and no one said goodnight to eachother as they entered their rooms.

The only one who didn't go to their room was me. I had switched rooms to be with Jaewon, after I got tired of dealing with Dongho. It was Jaewons idea afterall, but now Jaewon has to deal with me. Who even wants to deal with me?

A real leader would be able to deal with anyone, and be dealt by anyone.

But this leader is laying on a couch, curled in on himself, trying not to cry like a baby.

This leader is a baby.

My thoughts were getting to my head too much, and I thought of only one thing that would stop it.

I got up and headed to the bathroom with only one thing in mind.

Truthfully I haven't done this in a while. I've probably only done this like once or twice in my life, but never once as an idol, with adoring fans and publicity watching my every move.

The first time I did it was out of curiosity. I was still in middle school at that time. I had seen some classmates do it, and wondered how it would feel for me. I didn't understand why people did it, but once my mom told me to be better, that what I was wasn't enough, my mentality had enough. All reasoning and logic was thrown out the window as my curiosity and self-deprecating thoughts got the best of me. That's when I didn't know the limits of how hard I should place a metal object in my skin.

The 2nd time was morbidly less damaging. It was about 4 years later, when the scars were faded to white lines. That was until Minsung told me that since I'd auditioned for 4 companies already, that I probably didn't have a chance to become an idol. He told me I should give up already. I didn't know what I was doing that night. I just didn't know how to act, and I'd already cried too much in the previous week to feel right about doing it again.

I knew this was not a good look for anyone. And if anyone, and I mean ANYONE saw the scars they'd immediately judge. That's why they were hidden well, the only way those jagged puffed marks surfacing below the hip would be seen is if I wore a speedo, and I don't intend to any time soon.

I took out what I wanted, and intended to use it in the usual spot. White scars were littered over my torso, and just looking at that pathetic sight made me even more upset.

A real leader would be able to appropriately control his emotions.

WELL THEN F*** IT, I GUESS I'M NOT A REAL LEADER THEN.

Not a second after, angry red marks were all over my chosen spot to attack.

I wasn't too worried since I've done worse, although I don't usually cry when I do this but right now that's all I wanted to do. I'm usually very calm too, but right now I was so mad at myself and I was putting it out on the sight before me. All the members were trying to help the other day, but I just shut them out, and here I am, screwing everything up.

Just as I was about to do one more, I heard... Crying? I wasn't crying right? No that isn't me, but it is coming from... my bedroom.

Dangit. Congratulations Minsoo, you deserve the title of best leader in the world. You managed to make the only person you opened up to, to f***ing cry.

A real leader wouldn't do that.

It's not too late to help him, I can make things right again.

I went to clean up, but as I looked down, all I saw was red. Too much red. I figured out I was pressing down too hard, and immediately let go.

I was now panicking.

I don't like getting this bad, because cleaning up was never worth it. I hurriedly bandaged myself up as I remembered why I wanted to stop to begin with. Jaewon was crying, and I was the only one who'd make it better.

When I entered our room, my roommate immediately went quiet as to convince me he was sleeping. 

I didn't know what to do. A real leader would know what to do.

I sat on my bed for a moment, waiting for his breath to even out, but it never did. He was as panicked as I was, and things wouldn't get any better if I didn't start acting like a Real Leader.

"I know you're awake."

Silence

"You're upset with what I said, it's okay I'm mad at myself too."

Silence

"Please talk to me Jaewon."

All of a sudden, everything he had been holding in was gone, as he started sobbing again.

"I'm sorry Hyung, I'm sor..." He couldn't even finish, because he was crying too hard.

"Jaewon? Please stop, it's okay, I feel really guilty about what I said, let's just talk about what happened."

"I was... I was at a meeting with the... CEO." He whined.

"Then why were you on the news." I said, extremely confused.

He just started crying again.

I didn't know what to do anymore, since he clearly couldn't talk right now, so I just went behind him and hugged him, careful of my injuries, as he just cried even more.

I wanted to cry, but I couldn't, I had to be strong, because a real leader is strong.

"I'm sorry I jumped to conclusions Jaewon, I'm sorry I let my anger out on you. I'm sorry I'm not the leader you all want me to be." What the heck am I saying, wow does self pity not look good on anyone. I am once again, screwing myself over.

"Hyung?" Jaewon said, voice still scratchy, as he turned around to face me.

His expression was pained, and he looked so lost with tears continuously flowing down his ashen face. But that all changed once he observed his surroundings.

"Minsoo Hyung, are you okay?" Jaewon said, letting go of me and looking very panicked and wide eyed at something.

I was confused at first, but once he said "You're bleeding!" I knew what he was looking at, and very slowly traced my eyes to my leg. Sure enough my grey baggy sleeping shorts were tinted red on the left side.

"Hyung, what is this, how did this happen!" Jaewon said worried, lifting my baggy shorts up to see the damage. It doesn't take a genius to know this was self inflicted. And once he figured out the cause, his worry immediately changed to uncertainty. "I need to tell the others about this!"

I swatted his hand away, and pulled my shorts back down. I looked at him with timid scared eyes and a blush from embarrassment,not sure what to say. He looked back at me with worried fearful eyes, glazed with unshed tears, and tear streaks from moments before.

"Minsoo-hyung." He said, trying to grab at my shorts again, as if almost wanting to keep a constant eye on my leg now.

I couldn't respond, I just kind of whined and tried to get his hands off my shorts. This was something he should have never found out. Besides, he was quite clearly distressed only moments ago.

I couldn't breathe right, I stayed silent to try and still my heartbeat, but he knew. He knew and he was going to tell the others 

"Hyung. Please." He said, this time successfully but still gently putting my shakey hands down and carefully keeping my shorts lifted above the injured area. "This is bad, very bad Hyung. I need to tell the others. I'm worried." Jaewon said, voice wavering at the end, as he was holding in a sob. His hands were shaking too, and he very clearly didn't know how to handle this situation.

"Please don't." I said, in a pathetic voice. There was no doubt my voice was shaking after how worried Jaewon is over me right now "I haven't done this in a long long time, today was just.. too much." I say, trying to rub at my eyes angrily to make the tears stop from running.

"We need to clean this properly." Jaewon said, pulling me up with him to the restroom.

A real leader would have cleaned it properly.

Jaewon pulled me by the wrist and guided me to sit on the toilet seat once it was closed. He pulled out the same bandages I hurriedly used to bandage myself, in order to help him. Now he was here helping me. This wasn't right, I should be helping him, this isn't okay.

"This might sting a little, ready?" Jaewon said, holding out disenfectant whipes, asking for my approval. He was still very shakey, and tears were still present on his face, but he was being super mature right now.

I was not.

I sniffed, and nodded. I imediately tensed up when he started cleaning, and started silently crying, but I know I deserve this, so I wouldn't allow myself to whine about it much.

When he was done bandaging me, he gently lifted my chin up to look in my eyes, and softly said, "What's on your mind Hyung? Why do you think you deserve this?"

His eyes were glisining with unshed tears, and I knew he was staying calm and collected for me.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you today." I said looking down.

"Hyung, we already cleared that up." Jaewon said hugging me.

And oh how nice it felt to be hugged like that.

"I just feel like a bad leader." I whispered in his ear. 'I don't deserve to be an idol.' I thought silently.

"Minsoo hyung, don't say that." Jaewon said, detaching from me, looking back in my eyes.

"I'm serious." I mumble stubbornly, looking down again.

"I'm serious too." Jaewon said with the same amount of stubbornness, before sighing, speaking more gently this time, "Look, do you want me to ask Dae and Dongho how they feel about your leadership?"

"No, please don't! I don't want them knowing anything about this." I say pointing at my legs, and begging him to please keep this a secret.

"I won't tell them about this, that's not what I meant." Jaewon said defensively. "Although I think you should tell them incase it gets bad again." He suggested.

I didn't really like that suggestion so I just whined in response.

"Come on, let's just go back to bed, and I'll make sure everyone showers you with compliments first thing tomorrow morning." Jaewon spoke softly, grabbing my hand gently, and guiding me to his bed, as we carefully laid down together.

"Is this okay?" He said sweetly.

"M'fine" I said embarrassed and ready for the patronising to stop.

Once I said that, he gently wrapped his arms around me, and kissed my temple, before saying a "Thank you for everything Hyung, just promise to take care of yourself too. Sleep well hyung."

\---

No ones POV:

And in some twisted way, Jaewon was glad he wasn't the only one suffering. That he was able to be trusted a tad more because his hyung was hurting. Infact, if it weren't for Minsoos own break down tonight, Jaewon may have told him everything, from the scandals to the managers abuse. So yes, he was glad for his hyungs presence tonight.

So when he ironically said, "Thank you for everything Hyung, just promise to take care of yourself too. Sleep well hyung." He truly meant it, and wanted nothing more than his Hyung to be happy. He will make sure that tomorrow will be a good day for the best leader in the world

The next morning, Jaewon dragged everyone to the living room, declaring that it was 'Love Minsoo Day'. Dongho insisted he wouldn't participate, since it was not on the calendar or anything, therefore it was not an 'official Holiday'. That was until Daehyun found a sharpie and wrote 'LOVE MINSOO DAY ❤️' on every calendar he could find, forcing Dongho to participate with him.

At the end of the day, Jaewon gave Minsoo a poster with the middle written in big letters saying 'BEST LEADER EVER. WE ❤️ YOU MINSOO.' before gently hugging the leader, and the others joined in on the group hug too.

"Jaewon, hurts." Minsoo squeaks out, as Daehyun was hugging a bit too tight, rubbing against the unforgettable marks Jaewon saw for the first time last night.

Once the red head caught on, he immediately let go and told everyone to give his hyung some space.

After seeing his Maknae with those confused scared eyes, Minsoo knew he had to tell them. When Dongho wasn't sure what just happened, and froze in place, Minsoo knew he should be honest with them. The way Jaewon was looking over with his pleading eyes, not sure what to do next, told Minsoo that he needed to be the leader everyone saw him as.

At first the silver haired boy told everyone how grateful be was to them, of course this made it sound like he was leaving High Class, so he quickly addressed that he had something else he wanted to say. They could sense the seriousness in his voice, as for most times he was so immature.

And when he told them what he did to himself last night, Daehyun started crying. Dongho's hand hovered over the leaders leg, as to reassure himself how much damage he'd actually done is worse than the eldest imagined it to be. But it would have been rude, so Dongho swallowed, thinking about the appropriate thing to say.

Daehyun appologied for hugging the shortest so hard, and Minsoo was quick to hug him back saying that 'it's okay if we hug like this.' 

Dongho told the silver haired boy to tell him whenever he felt overwhelmed, before lightly hugging him the way he hugged Dae moments ago, and giving him an inviting smile. 

Jaewon sat there proud, giving his leader 2 thumbs up, and a cheeky smile, showing off his dimples.

And thats when Minsoo realised that even though these 3 men all in their twenties could be a nuisance, and they still have a lot to work on, he never once let them down like he thought he had. When he told them about how he was really feeling, they showed how much they cared for him, and how important he was to this group. How important he was of a leader. Infact, he wouldn't want to try and lead anyone else. Because no matter how hard it would be, a real Leaders would take on any challenges.

**Author's Note:**

> DID YOU GUYS SEE DAEHYUN'S BLUE HAIR. THESE CONCEPT PHOTO'S ARE GONNA BE WYLD. I'M LOOSING IT GUYS. I'M ACTUALLY LOOSING IT.


End file.
